Follow Friday: Astrology Expressed

(For an explanation of the "Follow Friday" concept and the Lemmy Awards, go here, and then come back.)

You never know what kind of weirdness you'll find lurking on the Internet. Case in point: Astrology Expressed, written by my cyber-friend Neeti Ray.

Now when you're looking at it, it may not necessarily look weird at all. In fact, if you spend some time with it, you'll find that she has an unusually good grasp of how astrology really works. Certainly she seems to "get it" with things like Saturn, love, and the truly important things in life.

She's also got an unusual talent for describing the feel of astrological concepts in poetic form, which is a gift I personally wish I had. Also, she's actually a good poet, which is a surprise. Most astrological poetry out there is of the Emo Girl "My boyfriend is an Aquarius/My Dad is an Aquarius/Aquarius sucks/I want to die" variety. Neeti's is actually good. And insightful.

So what's the weird thing about Neeti's blog? She tries to claim she isn't actaully an astrologer. If that's the case... why do you so consistenly get it, when so many other "actual astrologers" don't seem to?

Like I said.... weird.

The Amazing Recession-Buster Astrology Experiment CONTINUES, new and improved, and still no obligation! Click HERE for details!

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Follow Friday And A Bushel Of Lemmys

Lately there's been a thing floating around the blogosphere called "The Lemmy Awards." It's where bloggers nominate/recommend other blogs that they find useful, entertaining, and/or informative. I still have no idea if "The Lemmy Awards" are an actual thing hosted by an actual group, or simply an escaped meme, or something in between. I've been nominated for a Lemmy more than once, and in my finest tradition... I've been slow to return the favor. This will be my way of making it up to you, and of paying the honor forward.

There's also a tradition on Twitter (Twitter's been around long enough to have "traditions"?) called "Follow Friday," where Twitterers recommend other Twits whose Tweets are Tworth Tchecking out. (Okay, I'm already tired of Twitter.)

I've decided to combine the two into my own Follow Friday here on my blog. If there's such a thing as a "Lemmy Committee," please consider each of my upcoming Follow Fridays as a nomination. For the rest of you, it will be easier... just read and enjoy.

Also, you now have an excuse to drop by at least every Friday. Lucky you!

The Amazing Recession-Buster Astrology Experiment CONTINUES, new and improved, and still no obligation! Click HERE for details!

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Compatibility And Bar Brawling: Moon In Cancer And Moon In Scorpio

(SCENE: Inside a bar. The few remaining patrons have their backs pressed against the wall and are hiding behind overturned tables. In the center of the room is MOON IN SCORPIO, brandishing a broken whiskey bottle at MOON IN CANCER. CANCER wields a serving tray converted into a shield and a table leg, which CANCER waves like a club. The two circle each other menacingly.)

SCORPIO: I'm sick and tired of all your defensiveness crap! (Takes a swing at CANCER, who dodges.)

CANCER: I'M defensive? You're the jerk with the stinger! You're every bit as sensitive -- or over-sensitive as I am! (Swings and misses with the club.)

SCORPIO: You're just like your mother!

CANCER: Oh you did NOT bring my Mother into this! (Swings and misses with the club)

SCORPIO: Quit being so damned defensive! (Jabs with the broken bottle, barely missing) Haven't you figured out by now that the whole world isn't against you?

CANCER: Well, it's not like I'm always using (swings club) sex and (swings again) anger to deflect anyone from really getting to know me!

SCORPIO: You know what I really, really hate about you? You're a lot like me!

CANCER: (Pauses, thinking) Y'know... that's probably why we're so drawn to each other.

SCORPIO: You're right. (Looks CANCER over) And you're hot, baby.

CANCER: Want to come with me to my place? I just redecorated.

SCORPIO: Let's go.

(They leave together. The remaining patrons of the bar breathe a collective sigh of relief, and restore the tables to their upright positions. After a few minutes, SUN IN ARIES and SUN IN LEO enter.)

ARIES: I'm having a great time tonight! Glad I decided we should go out!

LEO: Wait... that was my idea!

ARIES: (Turning to LEO menacingly) Why are you so damned self-absorbed?

LEO: (Angrily) YOU'RE the self-absorbed one!

(The customers all duck and cover behind the tables again...)

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The Amazing Recession-Buster Astrology Experiment CONTINUES, new and improved, and still no obligation! Click HERE for details!

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Happy Uranus Station/Canada Day!

Uranus comes to a grinding halt in the sky today, so have a good look at your birth chart. If you have something in the late degrees of the Mutable Signs... big things are a' happenin'.

It's also Canada Day, when we of the Frozen North celebrate our independence from the British Empire. That in and of itself wasn't terribly Uranian -- there was no great rebellion, no war for independence, no thrilling tales of battlefield daring. It's a little like taking the day off to celebrate getting your driver's licence renewed.

...Or so you'd think. We're a peaceful, kind and co-operative lot, generally speaking. But once a year on this day we gather and... secretly, while no outsiders are watching... we celebrate the story our neighbors to the south tend to gloss over when they're celebrating their own history. An educational video is provided below.

Oh, damn. I let the Big Canadian secret out. Now they're gonna revoke my citizenship. Wait... who am I kidding? This is Canada we're talking about. By the time we're done debating who should be on the Board Of Inquiry into my bad behaviour, I'm going to be long dead.

Anyway, Happy Uranus Station/Canada Day! Celebrate with your own act of revolution... before the revolution comes and finds you.

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The Amazing Recession-Buster Astrology Experiment CONTINUES, new and improved, and still no obligation! Click HERE for details!

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Pisces: ShamWow Of The Zodiac

Hi, it’s Vince for Pisces! You’ll be saying wow every time you get involved with one! It’s like a chamois! It’s like a towel! It’s like a sponge! Most people just can't soak up this much raw sentiment and guilt! Pisces holds twenty times its weight in tears. Look at this! (wrings Pisces out over a bucket labelled "Early Childhood Trauma") It just does the work!

Why would you want to work twice as hard, emotionally? You have issues? Pisces will soak 'em up. You can make it feel like it's all Pisces' fault, and Pisces wrings out good as new. (Bashes Pisces flat against the counter-top) Look at that! Completely dry and ready for more of the same!

Here’s some cola, anger, wine, infidelity, coffee, accusations, and pet stains. Whatever you bring home, Pisces will mop it up and come back for more. Take a Pisces home with you tonight! Marry one! Better yet: get one for your home, and keep one the side at the office. They'll both blame themselves for your bad behavior! You following me, camera guy? No other sign's gonna put up with your crap quite like that! Look! I just blamed my drug habit on Pisces... and Pisces takes it! And look, Pisces is still empathizing! It acts like a vacuum! And yet Pisces still thinks I'm cute! See what I’m telling ya?

Pisces! You’ll be saying: make mine Fishy!

The Amazing Recession-Buster Astrology Experiment CONTINUES, new and improved, and still no obligation! Click HERE for details!

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Venus And Mars Conjunct In Taurus, Square Jupiter And Neptune: The Movie!

It's all there: sex, love, rebellion, sex, rebellion, love, sex... and, um, the sinister preachings of the Communist Puppet??

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The Amazing Recession-Buster Astrology Experiment CONTINUES, new and improved, and still no obligation! Click HERE for details!

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The Gemini Lesson, Presented In T-Shirt Form

I've spent a lot of time wandering around outside this weekend, due to a combination of excellent weather and restlessness, and for most of that time I've worn the same t-shirt. It's easily my finest German Industrial Metal t-shirt, featuring KMFDM'S "Godlike" (as shown above). And on the back, in big white letters, it says "I WILL PRAY!"

Canadians, being a fairly friendly lot, have been saying "hi" to me on the street a little more than usual. And often their reactions to me seem to be based on whether they approach me from the front or the back. People approaching me from the front seem to be commenting to me based on the assumption that I'm some sort of head-banging troublemaker with a taste for agitated music and social commentary. Those who approach me from behind (and who are confronted with "I WILL PRAY!") seem to be the more Spiritual/New Age-y/Good Christian Folks who assume that I am a fellow traveller in the ways of the Spirit. Those who approach me from the side just see the length of my hair, assume I'm some sort of hippie, and ask me if I know where I can buy some weed.

None of these people, of course, realize I am all of those things and more. If you find yourself really drawn to one of those things, you'd risk being tripped up and disappointed when you discovered one of those other sides.

I suspect there's a lesson about Geminis in all this, somehow.

Anyway, back to my weekend. For your enlightenment and entertainment, here are my Gemini files. Enjoy 'em twice!

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The Amazing Recession-Buster Astrology Experiment CONTINUES, new and improved, and still no obligation! Click HERE for details!

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